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Posts Tagged ‘Robina Courtin’

I’ve been avoiding, again.  It’s this thing I do, when I don’t want to feel…uncomfortable. As humans, we are almost conditioned to not feel any kind of pain, to avoid it at all costs.  When life gets difficult – loss, sadness, change – the mind wants to run.  And so we begin to think about what’s for dinner or whether your friend was right when she was honest about that guy or if you should have tried harder with your ex and if you need new shoes for that party this weekend and if you spent too much money and what’s for dinner again…  Anything then to just be with whatever uncomfortableness is coming up.

I need to change some old habits that no longer serve me, but old fears creep in as I try to do so, old thoughts – I’m not good enough, smart enough, talented enough, worthy or deserving.  Somewhere along the way, I heard this message through something that was said or told to me or maybe just something that I inferred from a comment.  But now here I am thinking it’s the word of God – “I suck”.  And so, the habit is caught up in a mind game and can’t be broken.  But nothing is unbreakable (well, maybe steel?) and impermanence is key – nothing last forever.

So how do I break the habit and change the pattern?  Ready for it?

STAY.

When that moment comes and things start to get uncomfortable, and the feelings arise and I want to run and my mind is screaming, SCREAMING at me to walk away, turn on the boob tube or crawl into bed, I need to STAY put.  Be in the murkiness and icky feelings, with as much love and kindness and compassion towards myself as I can.  As the Venerable Robina Courtin says, “You have to get your hands in your own shit.”  We must get comfortable with the uncomfortable, whatever it is.  But this takes great courage or just the simple desire to change.  Practice helps.  Practice in skills that require us to stay with the uncomfortableness, like yoga and meditation and tai chi or any kind of meditative practice that require one to work with the mind.  And great compassion, greater than you’ve ever had for yourself, because great change requires a loving hand to really last or the fear of God – but that’s just a different storyline.

The other thing to remember?  That I won’t explode from the pain of it, my mind may expand, tears may fall from my eyes, I may be moved to express the uncomfortableness through writing or art, but I will NOT explode, at least literally.

Anyway, a little expansion and clear out could do me some good…

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