Where is that line between who we think we are and who we really are? Between the people we thought we’d become and the harsher (or softer reality depending on your mood) of who we’ve become?
The notion of the inner and outer is so blurred, wanting to burrow further into our notions of self and be out in the world, exposed and vulnerable. The coats of ideal, presentation we wear out into the world, a sham, or spoof of our real self’s. People see through it, if they’re really looking, know us well enough, or have nothing more than a keen eye of people and their falsities.
And the mind plays games with us all along, telling us lies in bright moments and truths in the dark ones. Being slaves to these masters, we follow along, obliterating ourselves in the process and thus creating a society of self haters, judgers, scared children beating each other up in the hopes of not having to really asses the lies we tell ourselves.
But we are stronger. Stronger than we realize. More resilient. More capable, than we acknowledge…of ourselves and of each other. One need only look at the compassion (even if it may be false and misdirected) that comes from monumental historical events. How do we forget this kindness and compassion so easily? So quickly?! Such a lack of empathy in the world. We want to see in black and white, but it’s the grey that tells us so much more about ourselves and the world around us. Without it, the world would be so stark and unreal. Reality is much more nuanced and refined, having compassion for the man who tried to kill you, or seeing yourself in the woman mourning the loss of her son, the father his wife, the daughter, her husband. Your loss, my loss- they’re all the same. What binds us all is what we love and lose, what we think we can hold onto forever- life, loved ones, children, our own mortality- and are losing or more wisely, letting go every moment of the day.
The reality we don’t want to see is that who we think we are, means nothing, even what we may feel in the moment. The only truth is that in-breath and the one that comes after, the letting go, the out-breath, the release of all we’ve taken in, to create space for what is, what could be, another gift given to us in the moment.